Para Gigi que me pasó este poema y ha estado un poco triste estos días

Mad Girl's Love Song

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

-Sylvia Plath

Johnny Cash Sunday

Sad Rainy Tired Sunday. Ideal for a little Johnny Cash

The Strange/Sad U2 Coincidence

Last night I went to the U2 concert in Boston. And halfway through, when they were playing Faraway So Close, I realized something: The two previous times I had seen them live, one of my brothers was in the Hospital. Both times I had bought the tickets well in advance and one was for them.

The first time in 1997, Tito was in Houston in the hospital. He was very excited we were going to the concert, we had bought the tickets together when things seemed to be getting better. He wanted a t-shirt. I couldn't help crying through half the songs, particularly during One.

One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it

Eight years later, in February 2006, Juan Pa was in the hospital after a very serious operation The hospital was so close to the stadium (and the people so loud) he could hear them singing. Once again, one of the tickets was his. I called him when they played Pride.

Funny how we naturally try to draw inference from these very sporadic events. There is absolutely no relation between U2 and my brothers' illnesses. But both events are linked together in my memory, and in the concert I'm at the same time in Mexico, in Boston, now, and 12 years into the past, worried and feeling guilty I'm there.

Hoy que me gustaría ser un poquito más normal...

Felices los normales*

Felices los normales, esos seres extraños,
los que no tuvieron una madre loca, un padre borracho, un hijo delincuente,
una casa en ninguna parte, una enfermedad desconocida,
los que no han sido calcinados por un amor devorante,
los que vivieron los diecisiete rostros de la sonrisa y un poco más,
los llenos de zapatos, los arcángeles con sombreros,
los satisfechos, los gordos, los lindos,
los rintintín y sus secuaces, los que cómo no, por aquí,
los que ganan, los que son queridos hasta la empuñadura,
los flautistas acompañados por ratones,
los vendedores y sus compradores,
los caballeros ligeramente sobrehumanos,
los hombres vestidos de truenos y las mujeres de relámpagos,
los delicados, los sensatos, los finos,
los amables, los dulces, los comestibles y los bebestibles.

Felices las aves, el estiércol, las piedras.

Pero que den paso a los que hacen los mundos y los sueños,
las ilusiones, las sinfonías, las palabras que nos desbaratan
y nos construyen, los más locos que sus madres, los más borrachos
que sus padres y más delincuentes que sus hijos
y más devorados por amores calcinantes.

Que les dejen su sitio en el infierno, y basta.

-Roberto Fernández Retamar

*Gracias a IZ por este poema (http://gourmetgarage.blogspot.com)

The girl with the ukulele

This afternoon I went to sit by the river to read, think, watch the sunset. There was a girl sitting close to me practicing the ukulele. The music made a good soundtrack for the afternoon. It also reminded me of the Waking Life movie, where one of the characters plays the ukulele throughout the movie while talking about the possibility of lucid dreams.

So thinking about dreams I remembered my dream from last night. Characters in the dream kept changing, that is, they were the same person in essence but different on the outside. And the pairings in the dream were very very bizarre, e.g. a girl that was with me in grade school would turn into a guy I used to date, and then he would become a person in one of my classes now. Strange strange stuff.

But going back to the ukulele... I wish I could play.

I fell in love with a bad bad man